Holy cow, Brian. This is amazing. I like all the prompt stuff, but I particularly like the first third of the piece. That opening is so simple, and yet illustrates the complexity of that husband/wife/child relationship in so few words. I humanizes the piece, it brings context of a time and a place. It settles us into this new reality in a way that we completely understand at an emotional level. In short, I was gobsmacked by it.
I'm less sure about the denouement. I think it's the correct ending, but that end seems to come a little too easy. I'm not sure that the reader gets the full power of the decision, or even the fullness of Carter's motivation. Might be wrong.
What an amazing world you're created in the space of 2000 words. When I first read the prompt, I thought, "This should be the prompt for a novel." And maybe it should be. I wonder if Symphony has made this place too easy on the inhabitants, to the point where they will simply resent having to work for their survival again, as humans have had to do since the dawn of humans. Given Carter's decision, do they have a chance? I want to know more...always a good feeling to leave one's readers with.
Thank you, Jeff! I will admit this was a hard one to write. I kept thinking, what if we did have everything, were completely content, would we even desire anything outside of our own fulfillment? It's difficult to build just the right amount of emotional tension from that base. The ending is one of probably half a dozen I played through and ultimately realized I did not want a passive protagonist. There needed to be something at stake, but for him to choose his family, I should of built up their relationship more... made that connection stronger perhaps. Like you said, a little too easy.
A good read makes you think long after you finish, and I think this piece does that. What would any of us choose? What does that make us? A banger, Brian.
Thank you, Bryn! One of these days I'm going to write a smashing bit of wild entertainment with no theme at all and see if readers respond different to "less thinking". 😁
This was enthralling, I’d read a much longer version of it! Loved the creation of setting and tension here, and the deep moral/philosophical questions posed within a short piece.
Thank you, Stephanie, I appreciate your feedback! If I had more time with it, I could definitely expand out the beginning and build on the family relationship. It was a lot to pack in a little. 😁
Excellent take on the prompt Brian. I expected no less from the person who invented this challenge.
What I particularly liked was the underlying question: "Is struggle necessary for development - in art, in culture, in science, etc?" That's one which comes up in a ton of science fiction. It reminded me of Clarke's 'Childhood's End' - where the total peace and prosperity introduced by the Overlords led to an eventual stagnation in the arts. But I liked the different way you took the story by having the protagonist/humanity choose to resume the struggle on their own. It's more hopeful that way.
One question: What made you choose the name 'Symphony' for the city?
Thank you, Sam! You must be on my computer watching because I was in the middle of your story when your comment came through. 😬
That's wonderful that you mentioned "Childhood's End" because ever since reading it, I've spent a lot of time thinking about the stagnation of the arts that you mentioned. I felt offended by the notion in the context of the novel, but the more I considered it, the more I realized a renaissance would probably be followed by an almost complete eradication of the arts. I think Clarke had it right. Why write, draw, paint... any expression that is used to make sense of a chaotic world if that world is now in perfect order?
Regarding Symphony, it sort of just came to me when I thought about the city's orchestration. Music is a nice contrast to the science. Sometimes that happens easily, but other times I spend forever thinking of names. 😂
A thought-provoking dilemma that's at the heart of many of our decisions from the most mundane, to the most consequential. Do we remain comfortable or do we embrace change even though it's hard? Thanks for the great read!
Brian - I really enjoyed this. Your prose seemed effortless but I am sure it was not. I agree with Jeff that you conjured up the world and the context really convincingly in a short piece, but this story really cannot be told to the full potential it clearly has in so few words. The time linit to submit work to the prompt is probably too short for to dress the idea in all the finery it deserves, and so we are left as readers with so many questions and a hunger for answers, just as the protagonists. The prompt touches on so many deep philosophical matters - the role of humanity, the shadow of artifical intelligence, the responsiblitly of one for the entirety of a civilisation. So I would have to agree with Jeff again that the manner in which Carter makes his choice is without the agony of what such a responisbility would hold - You could probably double the length of the piece fleshing out how he might wrestle with the decision before making it. You've definitely got the soul of a much fuller work in there, however, and so I take my hat off!
Thank you for the great feedback, Nick! This is definitely one of a select few where I recognized after I posted it could be a lot longer and I was just working against a deadline. I usually don't do that, but I really wanted to participate in the prompt quest. How can I ask others to write on a deadline if I'm not willing to do the same!?! 😁 It's possible I may revisit this, but I don't know if it will make the cut for the short story collection. That's okay, only the best for the print book!
I really like how you’ve brought out the idea of struggle being necessary for growth. Nicely done, especially the bit where he’s teleported / transported, I actually thought that was the end of him right there!
Thank you! It's a concept I've explored in a few other stories as well in one way or another. I don't know why I find it so interesting, but it's a nice contrast to the idea of a utopian civilization. I also considered killing Carter... his true end... there were so many options. 😂
Holy cow, Brian. This is amazing. I like all the prompt stuff, but I particularly like the first third of the piece. That opening is so simple, and yet illustrates the complexity of that husband/wife/child relationship in so few words. I humanizes the piece, it brings context of a time and a place. It settles us into this new reality in a way that we completely understand at an emotional level. In short, I was gobsmacked by it.
I'm less sure about the denouement. I think it's the correct ending, but that end seems to come a little too easy. I'm not sure that the reader gets the full power of the decision, or even the fullness of Carter's motivation. Might be wrong.
What an amazing world you're created in the space of 2000 words. When I first read the prompt, I thought, "This should be the prompt for a novel." And maybe it should be. I wonder if Symphony has made this place too easy on the inhabitants, to the point where they will simply resent having to work for their survival again, as humans have had to do since the dawn of humans. Given Carter's decision, do they have a chance? I want to know more...always a good feeling to leave one's readers with.
Thank you, Jeff! I will admit this was a hard one to write. I kept thinking, what if we did have everything, were completely content, would we even desire anything outside of our own fulfillment? It's difficult to build just the right amount of emotional tension from that base. The ending is one of probably half a dozen I played through and ultimately realized I did not want a passive protagonist. There needed to be something at stake, but for him to choose his family, I should of built up their relationship more... made that connection stronger perhaps. Like you said, a little too easy.
I really value your feedback. Great stuff!
A good read makes you think long after you finish, and I think this piece does that. What would any of us choose? What does that make us? A banger, Brian.
Thank you, Bryn! One of these days I'm going to write a smashing bit of wild entertainment with no theme at all and see if readers respond different to "less thinking". 😁
Haha I look forward to your “not-think-piece”! 😄
This was enthralling, I’d read a much longer version of it! Loved the creation of setting and tension here, and the deep moral/philosophical questions posed within a short piece.
Thank you, Stephanie, I appreciate your feedback! If I had more time with it, I could definitely expand out the beginning and build on the family relationship. It was a lot to pack in a little. 😁
Excellent take on the prompt Brian. I expected no less from the person who invented this challenge.
What I particularly liked was the underlying question: "Is struggle necessary for development - in art, in culture, in science, etc?" That's one which comes up in a ton of science fiction. It reminded me of Clarke's 'Childhood's End' - where the total peace and prosperity introduced by the Overlords led to an eventual stagnation in the arts. But I liked the different way you took the story by having the protagonist/humanity choose to resume the struggle on their own. It's more hopeful that way.
One question: What made you choose the name 'Symphony' for the city?
Thank you, Sam! You must be on my computer watching because I was in the middle of your story when your comment came through. 😬
That's wonderful that you mentioned "Childhood's End" because ever since reading it, I've spent a lot of time thinking about the stagnation of the arts that you mentioned. I felt offended by the notion in the context of the novel, but the more I considered it, the more I realized a renaissance would probably be followed by an almost complete eradication of the arts. I think Clarke had it right. Why write, draw, paint... any expression that is used to make sense of a chaotic world if that world is now in perfect order?
Regarding Symphony, it sort of just came to me when I thought about the city's orchestration. Music is a nice contrast to the science. Sometimes that happens easily, but other times I spend forever thinking of names. 😂
A thought-provoking dilemma that's at the heart of many of our decisions from the most mundane, to the most consequential. Do we remain comfortable or do we embrace change even though it's hard? Thanks for the great read!
Thank you, Garen, I'm glad you liked it! I'm going to be taking some time this evening, relaxing and reading through everyone's entries.
Brian - I really enjoyed this. Your prose seemed effortless but I am sure it was not. I agree with Jeff that you conjured up the world and the context really convincingly in a short piece, but this story really cannot be told to the full potential it clearly has in so few words. The time linit to submit work to the prompt is probably too short for to dress the idea in all the finery it deserves, and so we are left as readers with so many questions and a hunger for answers, just as the protagonists. The prompt touches on so many deep philosophical matters - the role of humanity, the shadow of artifical intelligence, the responsiblitly of one for the entirety of a civilisation. So I would have to agree with Jeff again that the manner in which Carter makes his choice is without the agony of what such a responisbility would hold - You could probably double the length of the piece fleshing out how he might wrestle with the decision before making it. You've definitely got the soul of a much fuller work in there, however, and so I take my hat off!
Thank you for the great feedback, Nick! This is definitely one of a select few where I recognized after I posted it could be a lot longer and I was just working against a deadline. I usually don't do that, but I really wanted to participate in the prompt quest. How can I ask others to write on a deadline if I'm not willing to do the same!?! 😁 It's possible I may revisit this, but I don't know if it will make the cut for the short story collection. That's okay, only the best for the print book!
I really like how you’ve brought out the idea of struggle being necessary for growth. Nicely done, especially the bit where he’s teleported / transported, I actually thought that was the end of him right there!
Thank you! It's a concept I've explored in a few other stories as well in one way or another. I don't know why I find it so interesting, but it's a nice contrast to the idea of a utopian civilization. I also considered killing Carter... his true end... there were so many options. 😂