Excellent read Brian. Bittersweet to see your children grow from a child to one day a man. We should all live in the moment as tomorrow is not promised.
You've captured well how fraught is the transition from child to man. Take a moment to appreciate how much is held, however, by this intact family. So many of us grew up without fathers, frontloading that transition with unseen pitfalls. We reach out not to a dad but to other role models, hopefully well-chosen. Ben Cartwright. Lou Grant. Barney Miller. Fictional characters all, not so different from the story we made up about our actual dads. Shredded social fabric.
This is so true, Claudia, as a present, but emotionally absent father can be just as damaging. I definitely fail on this front as well, and try to be present and available. I'm sure my kids can find areas where I need improvement. 😂
Unfortunately, parents can never be perfect in the their children's eyes. But I think that those who didn't have what your son has with you can appreciate the effort and the warmth and love that you give as a father. This is priceless.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Jeff! One of the great things about this trip is how they extend the invitation to grandpas, uncles and brothers, who are in some cases acting as the influential role model because there is no father. The men in general, take a community role in being father figures to all of the boys. It's never perfect, but in the least it demonstrates they have men who care for them and their well-being.
How good this is, Brian. It’s a mark of your own writing that you can firmly situate us in a liminal space. And I laughed out loud for real on reading, “Fathers are meant to be shepherds on this trip, ensuring sons don’t resort to cannibalism until they can make more suitable judgment calls.” If that doesn’t summarize parenting teenage boys in general...
'He must remain dangerous and vigilant, to protect and provide, but simultaneously demonstrate childlike love and mercy.'
Keeping the balance between strength, love and mercy is very important for a man as he grows into adulthood. I love what you're doing with your son, how you spend time with him, love the idea of this trip you did with him. I think that men need more than ever such spaces in the modern world. I grew up with men and I saw the struggles and hardships.
Your writing also makes me think of creating such spaces for young women where they can learn and get adjusted to their new bodies and status as they grow into young women.
I was very touched by your post. Very well written.
Thank you, Claudia! Power under control is a lost "art", and without a father it turns into unmitigated anger and destructive tendencies. There are several philosophies around integrating our shadow self, especially as men, so that we understand in what circumstances extremes are necessary or when they should be avoided. It's a thin line.
I can't speak to how women experience struggles in these kinds of in between spaces, but I know that my daughter connects with my wife on a level I'll never grasp, and that she has benefited greatly from connections with grandma, aunts and older, wiser women.
Excellent read Brian. Bittersweet to see your children grow from a child to one day a man. We should all live in the moment as tomorrow is not promised.
So true, and I'm excited to share more in this section over the coming months.
You've captured well how fraught is the transition from child to man. Take a moment to appreciate how much is held, however, by this intact family. So many of us grew up without fathers, frontloading that transition with unseen pitfalls. We reach out not to a dad but to other role models, hopefully well-chosen. Ben Cartwright. Lou Grant. Barney Miller. Fictional characters all, not so different from the story we made up about our actual dads. Shredded social fabric.
Without a father or, in other cases, with a father who didn't have Brian's inner strength and emotional resources to offer their son what Brian does.
This is so true, Claudia, as a present, but emotionally absent father can be just as damaging. I definitely fail on this front as well, and try to be present and available. I'm sure my kids can find areas where I need improvement. 😂
Unfortunately, parents can never be perfect in the their children's eyes. But I think that those who didn't have what your son has with you can appreciate the effort and the warmth and love that you give as a father. This is priceless.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Jeff! One of the great things about this trip is how they extend the invitation to grandpas, uncles and brothers, who are in some cases acting as the influential role model because there is no father. The men in general, take a community role in being father figures to all of the boys. It's never perfect, but in the least it demonstrates they have men who care for them and their well-being.
I love everything about this! Hats off to you as a dad for creating these necessary experiences for your son.
Thank you for reading, JD! I give a lot of credit to the guys who plan and cook. It makes it so much easier for all of us.
How good this is, Brian. It’s a mark of your own writing that you can firmly situate us in a liminal space. And I laughed out loud for real on reading, “Fathers are meant to be shepherds on this trip, ensuring sons don’t resort to cannibalism until they can make more suitable judgment calls.” If that doesn’t summarize parenting teenage boys in general...
Thank you, Bryn! Teenage boys are definitely a force to be reckoned with, and when I was a boy, I'm sure I was just as unmanageable on some days. 😂
What a beautiful read, Brian. I loved this line:
'He must remain dangerous and vigilant, to protect and provide, but simultaneously demonstrate childlike love and mercy.'
Keeping the balance between strength, love and mercy is very important for a man as he grows into adulthood. I love what you're doing with your son, how you spend time with him, love the idea of this trip you did with him. I think that men need more than ever such spaces in the modern world. I grew up with men and I saw the struggles and hardships.
Your writing also makes me think of creating such spaces for young women where they can learn and get adjusted to their new bodies and status as they grow into young women.
I was very touched by your post. Very well written.
Thank you, Claudia! Power under control is a lost "art", and without a father it turns into unmitigated anger and destructive tendencies. There are several philosophies around integrating our shadow self, especially as men, so that we understand in what circumstances extremes are necessary or when they should be avoided. It's a thin line.
I can't speak to how women experience struggles in these kinds of in between spaces, but I know that my daughter connects with my wife on a level I'll never grasp, and that she has benefited greatly from connections with grandma, aunts and older, wiser women.
Nice one Brian
Thank you, Tom!
Great story. I enjoyed reading it.