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David Perlmutter's avatar

It's been a while since I have read an SF story this intriguing.

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Brian Reindel 👾⚔️'s avatar

Happy to hear it, David! Thanks for reading and commenting.

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ROB ESQUIVEL's avatar

I see allegory in your story, Brian. At the moment I'm working on a tale about mistaken revenge. It has a rather twisted ending when the protagonist who wants revenge goes through an ordeal that reveals what really happened and convinces him to reverse his plans to destroy his opponent. All of this takes place in a very different setting from your story, but the parallel I see is that both protagonists are left with a commitment to repair the damage they've unwittingly caused.

Rob in Yautepec

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Brian Reindel 👾⚔️'s avatar

This is a wonderful observation, Rob. Redemption stories can be cathartic and provide us with examples of how best to resolve the difficulties and struggles in our own lives. Thanks for your feedback and good luck with your story!

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Sunny Hochberg's avatar

Interesting, Brian. I can see the promise of future developments in the way you crafted the ending. The fathers reaction baffled me, that he was downcast and sad but not angry that the kids had gotten into his inner sanctum.

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Brian Reindel 👾⚔️'s avatar

Thank you, Shielagh. I considered his reaction when writing it, thinking about whether or not he should be angry, frantic or sad. One reason I landed where I did was because he had already sacrificed so much and had reached the end of his understanding. Mixed with the protagonist being younger and obviously distraught, it seemed to make more sense he would give up altogether. He recognizes he can't really be angry because the reason it happened is almost entirely his fault.

Thank you for reading and commenting!

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Sunny Hochberg's avatar

Thank you Brian. As a psychologist I’m always intrigued by motivation and behavior, of patients, of public figures and of literary characters.

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Brian Reindel 👾⚔️'s avatar

Motivations are one of the first things I try to determine with my protagonists. That, and how it aligns with their primary struggle. I would imagine that having a degree in psychology would really benefit storytelling and creating believable characters. Do you have any books you could recommend that are a crash course in human behavior and psychology?

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Ken W.'s avatar

Wow. This had everything. It was creepy, it was intriguing, and it had a very human element through it, because both your main characters had very good motivations and for a short story were very well fleshed out. I loved it.

I think the best part is you managed to make the scifi feel alien and incomprehensible. Yes, it's a puzzle and we can solve puzzles, but that puzzle is just a surface to something we humans, with our own understanding of the universe, can barely comprehend.

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Brian Reindel 👾⚔️'s avatar

Thank you, Ken! Regarding the alien/creature, I wanted to describe it just enough to get people thinking about it like a puzzle, so I'm glad you came away with that idea. But I also wonder what goes through a reader's mind's eye because there is some of that mystery that I left open for interpretation. It means everyone gets to come away with their own interpretation, which is always fun.

Thanks for reading and commenting!

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Natalie Phillips's avatar

That's powerful and left me curious for more. You did a good job of exploiting natural innocence and showing the father's resignation and guilt.

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Brian Reindel 👾⚔️'s avatar

Thank you, Natalie! I'll have three more horror stories this month, and I'm excited to share them with everyone.

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Mark Starlin's avatar

Great story, Brian. Makes me glad I could never solve a Rubik’s cube. It leads to nothing but trouble. 😉

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Brian Reindel 👾⚔️'s avatar

Thanks, Mark! My son is a speedcuber, which is where some of the idea originated. He has yet to open any portals, but I keep a close eye on his friends just in case. 😁

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Mark Starlin's avatar

🤣

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Osasuyi Ojomo's avatar

I was hooked from beginning to end. Amazing story 👏🏻👏🏻

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Brian Reindel 👾⚔️'s avatar

Thank you, Osasuyi, I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

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Patricia J.L. 👻🧶🖊️'s avatar

That totally creeped me out! Good job.

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Brian Reindel 👾⚔️'s avatar

Thank you, Patricia! It's good to hear it had sufficient creeps. 🎃👻💀

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