This had all the heartbeat of a pulpy detective story, which I loved! Even better was an unexpected ending. Hurrah for the surprise and kudos for a terrific story!
Woah. Talk about characters with flaws. The relationship between Marianne and her daughter is so sad!
I’m curious what motivated Marianne’s actions. One might infer that her relationship with her family was so strained, that it lead to the border of her husband. And then, rather than live with that on her conscience and reconciling with her daughter, she ended up taking her own life.
But... why did the private eye discharge his weapon? Was he actually in on it? Was he in a relationship with Olivia? Were his three shots only to ensure that Marianne’s actions resulted in the desired outcome? Did Marianne invite him to bear witness, unwittingly outing her own murderer into her home home?
I think not knowing adds to the mystery of this short story. Well written!
Thanks for reading and commenting, David! At the end of the story, Marianne aims to kill her daughter Olivia. She squares up with her gun drawn to do that. Johnny understands what's about to happen and shoots Marianne in self-defense (of Olivia). Hope that helps make more sense of it. Hearing other readers views of how they interpreted the ending is really helpful.
Ah, it does! He was sitting next to Olivia and Marianne was facing them. I can see how he might freak out a little in the heat of the moment. I still like imagining that he might have been in on it. 😉
Thank you A.C. for the feedback. Almost all of my stories have some suspension of disbelief since they are fantasy and science fiction, but this one possibly more than others. Thanks for reading!
Thank you, Claudia! A fun fact is that I submitted one short story to a mystery magazine, which was rejected, but it's always been a genre that I feel like I could cross-pollinate with speculative for more interesting stories.
It’s a fantastic genre in any form and shape. Detectives and private investigators have been some of my favorite characters in books and films so far. I hope you’ll consider writing more in this genre. I especially liked the dialogue in this one and also how you managed to make the characters stand out with their own voices and personalities.
Love the header, love the carrot stick line. Had to stop before reading further and comment this may be my favorite stories of yours yet just because of that one amazing sentence.
Thanks, Wil! What's funny about the length is this is the longest I've written in a while for a short story, like 2300 words or something. I kept thinking it's too long. 🤣
This had all the heartbeat of a pulpy detective story, which I loved! Even better was an unexpected ending. Hurrah for the surprise and kudos for a terrific story!
Thank you, Carolyn! I found that I really enjoyed writing in the pulp style. 😁
Woah. Talk about characters with flaws. The relationship between Marianne and her daughter is so sad!
I’m curious what motivated Marianne’s actions. One might infer that her relationship with her family was so strained, that it lead to the border of her husband. And then, rather than live with that on her conscience and reconciling with her daughter, she ended up taking her own life.
But... why did the private eye discharge his weapon? Was he actually in on it? Was he in a relationship with Olivia? Were his three shots only to ensure that Marianne’s actions resulted in the desired outcome? Did Marianne invite him to bear witness, unwittingly outing her own murderer into her home home?
I think not knowing adds to the mystery of this short story. Well written!
Thanks for reading and commenting, David! At the end of the story, Marianne aims to kill her daughter Olivia. She squares up with her gun drawn to do that. Johnny understands what's about to happen and shoots Marianne in self-defense (of Olivia). Hope that helps make more sense of it. Hearing other readers views of how they interpreted the ending is really helpful.
Ah, it does! He was sitting next to Olivia and Marianne was facing them. I can see how he might freak out a little in the heat of the moment. I still like imagining that he might have been in on it. 😉
Well, I had to do a lot of suspending of disbelief. The whole seance thing. Otherwise, interesting.
Thank you A.C. for the feedback. Almost all of my stories have some suspension of disbelief since they are fantasy and science fiction, but this one possibly more than others. Thanks for reading!
And I learned a new word - bougie.
Loved this story, Brian. It's very well written, crisp, and I like your writing voice in this one, detective stories seem to suit you well.
'We formed a “circle of trust”, a name Rom gave it that reminded me of a corporate team building exercise patterned after a preschool roundup.'
This is so funny because it's accurate! 🤣
Thank you, Claudia! A fun fact is that I submitted one short story to a mystery magazine, which was rejected, but it's always been a genre that I feel like I could cross-pollinate with speculative for more interesting stories.
It’s a fantastic genre in any form and shape. Detectives and private investigators have been some of my favorite characters in books and films so far. I hope you’ll consider writing more in this genre. I especially liked the dialogue in this one and also how you managed to make the characters stand out with their own voices and personalities.
Great story, Brian! I loved the opening paragraph, especially that final sentence about nibbling on the carrot. What a perfect hook!
Thank you, Justin! Johnny's viewpoint was fun to write, and it makes the story naturally develop all on its own. 😁
Yep. Fooled me. Well done, Brian!
Thanks, James! It's a careful balance.
This was fun to read! Great job 👏
Thank you, Alexa! I think my stories need more characters like Johnny. 😉
Well that was fun! Had a nice pulp vibe to it.
Thanks, Tom! I'm going to have to start reading more pulp fiction because I could have a lot of fun with this style.
Love the header, love the carrot stick line. Had to stop before reading further and comment this may be my favorite stories of yours yet just because of that one amazing sentence.
lol, that's great, Wil, thanks for commenting! Johnny is quite the character you'll see.
Okay, done! As others have said, that was fun. I kind of wish it was a bit longer, to tell the truth. And that Olivia were faking it all!
Thanks, Wil! What's funny about the length is this is the longest I've written in a while for a short story, like 2300 words or something. I kept thinking it's too long. 🤣