Well done, Brian. Smooth intro of the magical tropes and very nice wrap up. Lots of complexity in few words. (That pesky 2500-word limit really does make the writer work, but it's worth it, I think.)
Thanks, Jack! Personally, I find the word limit really forces me to focus on the essence of the story. It's also much more likely readers are going to spend time and enjoy it. Once it gets longer, there's a risk they'll skim or save it for later and never get back to it. That's the nature of reading online, which I've come to embrace.
Thanks, Justin! Isn't worldbuilding just so fun. I mean, I can come up with a billion worldbuilding ideas... the real trick is crafting a story around them. 🤣
This was a lovely read! I loved the way that you wove the magical worldbuilding into the story, making the reader feel as though there’s a sense and logic to it that we could understand given more time. I also very much enjoyed the slow reveal of Bella’s backstory and all the foreshadowing that went into it.
This must have felt very good to create, congratulations. Writing essays can be enjoyable, but there's nothing like sinking into the rhythm of story-language and the flow of story-worlds, is there? Thank you for sharing
Yes, it does! There's nothing quite like it. And I agree with other comments here that you've done a lot in a short space. Did it take a lot of cutting down to make it this concise? Can I also ask how you created the image...it's really effective
I'm self-editing as I go along, keeping the general story line in mind during the process of writing. I try to keep the action of the characters consistently moving and then add in the dialogue to help fill in missing details, but the exposition I intentionally keep light. This one I knew would naturally lend itself to around 2,500 words with that sort of process, but I could have easily made it longer by adding more exposition. It's a bit of discipline.
As far as the image is concerned, I have a paid subscription to ChatGPT, and spend some time trying to match my story with the image I want generated. I'm finding it to be really useful!
Thank you, that's really interesting. Particularly that you already had a sense of how long the piece would be from the outset. Experience and practice, I suppose. And the image compliments it very well
You packed a lot of story into relatively few words but established the relationships between the (very) different characters effectively. The protagonists all had their heroic part to play (even Snooka!), with a great reveal and resolution. I felt a darker 'Dark Materials' vibe. Perhaps the 3rd person PoV veered between close and wide a little too much, and maybe Julian's maturity level declined towards the end. But, overall, you definitely hit the mark for the given prompt!
Thank you for the great feedback, Johnathan! My son is 14 now, and getting the feel for the not-yet-a-teenager, or just-turned-a-teenager, can be an interesting experiment. I also purposely kept this one shorter, but I easily could have gone 4,000 words. Fantasy will do that to me. 🤣
Thank you so much for the thoughtful feedback, Sam! In a first mental draft, Julian thinks Ludwig died, but he was secretly transformed into Snooka. The idea was for Bella to secretly get him close to Baphomet, and the three of them would eventually battle. That was too complicated, and I decided to use him and the gift of the dagger to foreshadow the ending. That worked better, but it does come with the risk of introducing the name of a character you never get to meet. Actually, that's something I'm going to be conscious of in future stories. If nobody gets to meet a character, they should at least feel like they've met them.
Well done, Brian. Smooth intro of the magical tropes and very nice wrap up. Lots of complexity in few words. (That pesky 2500-word limit really does make the writer work, but it's worth it, I think.)
Thanks, Jack! Personally, I find the word limit really forces me to focus on the essence of the story. It's also much more likely readers are going to spend time and enjoy it. Once it gets longer, there's a risk they'll skim or save it for later and never get back to it. That's the nature of reading online, which I've come to embrace.
This story is excellent, Brian. I really enjoyed the magical elements as well as the general world building. Great stuff!
Thanks, Justin! Isn't worldbuilding just so fun. I mean, I can come up with a billion worldbuilding ideas... the real trick is crafting a story around them. 🤣
Haha, so true! Well you nailed it, my friend. I believe I have one more story of yours waiting in my inbox…hoping to get to it later tonight!
This was a lovely read! I loved the way that you wove the magical worldbuilding into the story, making the reader feel as though there’s a sense and logic to it that we could understand given more time. I also very much enjoyed the slow reveal of Bella’s backstory and all the foreshadowing that went into it.
Also, yay Snooka!
Thank you, Bridget! I found myself getting wrapped up in my own prompt and had to consciously pull back on the world building. 🤣
This was a joy to write and I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Ooh this was good, and promises more in that curse Baphomet flings at his son!
Thank you, Leanne!
Great opening line. I read it twice, and was hooked.
Thank you, Timothy! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
This must have felt very good to create, congratulations. Writing essays can be enjoyable, but there's nothing like sinking into the rhythm of story-language and the flow of story-worlds, is there? Thank you for sharing
Thank you! It's always a little nerve wracking getting started, but once I'm into it, things do feel great. Fiction just hits differently. 😁
Yes, it does! There's nothing quite like it. And I agree with other comments here that you've done a lot in a short space. Did it take a lot of cutting down to make it this concise? Can I also ask how you created the image...it's really effective
I'm self-editing as I go along, keeping the general story line in mind during the process of writing. I try to keep the action of the characters consistently moving and then add in the dialogue to help fill in missing details, but the exposition I intentionally keep light. This one I knew would naturally lend itself to around 2,500 words with that sort of process, but I could have easily made it longer by adding more exposition. It's a bit of discipline.
As far as the image is concerned, I have a paid subscription to ChatGPT, and spend some time trying to match my story with the image I want generated. I'm finding it to be really useful!
Thank you, that's really interesting. Particularly that you already had a sense of how long the piece would be from the outset. Experience and practice, I suppose. And the image compliments it very well
You packed a lot of story into relatively few words but established the relationships between the (very) different characters effectively. The protagonists all had their heroic part to play (even Snooka!), with a great reveal and resolution. I felt a darker 'Dark Materials' vibe. Perhaps the 3rd person PoV veered between close and wide a little too much, and maybe Julian's maturity level declined towards the end. But, overall, you definitely hit the mark for the given prompt!
Thank you for the great feedback, Johnathan! My son is 14 now, and getting the feel for the not-yet-a-teenager, or just-turned-a-teenager, can be an interesting experiment. I also purposely kept this one shorter, but I easily could have gone 4,000 words. Fantasy will do that to me. 🤣
Nice! I especially enjoyed that moment when Snooka attacked!
Snooka is definitely a faithful friend. Thanks for reading and commenting, SDG!
An excellent story. I loved it. The mystery and slow reveal are perfect! So much depth. Loved it!
Thank you, Ben! I felt a little rusty around the edges and was excited about how the story unfolded.
Hooray Snooka! Also, I gotta say, that is a really good creature name.
Hooray indeed! Although, I almost made his sacrifice permanent... a good thing the story went in a different direction. 😁
Thanks for reading and commenting, Michael!
Thank you so much for the thoughtful feedback, Sam! In a first mental draft, Julian thinks Ludwig died, but he was secretly transformed into Snooka. The idea was for Bella to secretly get him close to Baphomet, and the three of them would eventually battle. That was too complicated, and I decided to use him and the gift of the dagger to foreshadow the ending. That worked better, but it does come with the risk of introducing the name of a character you never get to meet. Actually, that's something I'm going to be conscious of in future stories. If nobody gets to meet a character, they should at least feel like they've met them.
Thanks for reading and commenting!