Well done, Brian. Smooth intro of the magical tropes and very nice wrap up. Lots of complexity in few words. (That pesky 2500-word limit really does make the writer work, but it's worth it, I think.)
This was a lovely read! I loved the way that you wove the magical worldbuilding into the story, making the reader feel as though there’s a sense and logic to it that we could understand given more time. I also very much enjoyed the slow reveal of Bella’s backstory and all the foreshadowing that went into it.
By think end, you perfectly wove every aspect of the original prompt into the story. "Hidden treasure"? Check. "Call to adventure and parental duties"? Check. "Beastly Atrocities"? Father of all checks.
The best part I thought was when Bella was bitten, and had to instruct her son with the potion remedy. I love that kind of scene in a story, where a guardian/parent/mentor is incapacitated, and has to coach their ward/child/apprentice through a complicated set of instructions. It's basically the entire plot of that Will Smith movie, After Earth (although that film had its own problems). Here, it also sets up the second half nicely, with Bella waking up alone.
The worldbuilding in part one is also well done, enough info without being overloaded. I did get lost by the name 'Ludwig' for a bit (thinking he was the father figure), who didn't come up later on. The real dad's nature/name also seemed sudden. Then again, when I hear 'curse' and 'tomb' in the same story, I assume it's undead.
Overall? If you weren't hosting the Lunar Awards, I'd say, "Submit this!" This Quest has been a great way to read a bunch of wildly-different takes on the same theme.
This must have felt very good to create, congratulations. Writing essays can be enjoyable, but there's nothing like sinking into the rhythm of story-language and the flow of story-worlds, is there? Thank you for sharing
You packed a lot of story into relatively few words but established the relationships between the (very) different characters effectively. The protagonists all had their heroic part to play (even Snooka!), with a great reveal and resolution. I felt a darker 'Dark Materials' vibe. Perhaps the 3rd person PoV veered between close and wide a little too much, and maybe Julian's maturity level declined towards the end. But, overall, you definitely hit the mark for the given prompt!
Well done, Brian. Smooth intro of the magical tropes and very nice wrap up. Lots of complexity in few words. (That pesky 2500-word limit really does make the writer work, but it's worth it, I think.)
This story is excellent, Brian. I really enjoyed the magical elements as well as the general world building. Great stuff!
This was a lovely read! I loved the way that you wove the magical worldbuilding into the story, making the reader feel as though there’s a sense and logic to it that we could understand given more time. I also very much enjoyed the slow reveal of Bella’s backstory and all the foreshadowing that went into it.
Also, yay Snooka!
Ooh this was good, and promises more in that curse Baphomet flings at his son!
Great opening line. I read it twice, and was hooked.
By think end, you perfectly wove every aspect of the original prompt into the story. "Hidden treasure"? Check. "Call to adventure and parental duties"? Check. "Beastly Atrocities"? Father of all checks.
The best part I thought was when Bella was bitten, and had to instruct her son with the potion remedy. I love that kind of scene in a story, where a guardian/parent/mentor is incapacitated, and has to coach their ward/child/apprentice through a complicated set of instructions. It's basically the entire plot of that Will Smith movie, After Earth (although that film had its own problems). Here, it also sets up the second half nicely, with Bella waking up alone.
The worldbuilding in part one is also well done, enough info without being overloaded. I did get lost by the name 'Ludwig' for a bit (thinking he was the father figure), who didn't come up later on. The real dad's nature/name also seemed sudden. Then again, when I hear 'curse' and 'tomb' in the same story, I assume it's undead.
Overall? If you weren't hosting the Lunar Awards, I'd say, "Submit this!" This Quest has been a great way to read a bunch of wildly-different takes on the same theme.
This must have felt very good to create, congratulations. Writing essays can be enjoyable, but there's nothing like sinking into the rhythm of story-language and the flow of story-worlds, is there? Thank you for sharing
You packed a lot of story into relatively few words but established the relationships between the (very) different characters effectively. The protagonists all had their heroic part to play (even Snooka!), with a great reveal and resolution. I felt a darker 'Dark Materials' vibe. Perhaps the 3rd person PoV veered between close and wide a little too much, and maybe Julian's maturity level declined towards the end. But, overall, you definitely hit the mark for the given prompt!
Nice! I especially enjoyed that moment when Snooka attacked!
An excellent story. I loved it. The mystery and slow reveal are perfect! So much depth. Loved it!
Hooray Snooka! Also, I gotta say, that is a really good creature name.