I think you should turn that idea into a longer form story (novella or novel). It totally deserves a longer treatment.
I have a longer-form treatment this reminds me of which made it to about 12k words. It's a completely different story but emotionally it's kind of similar (in my second forthcoming collection). I think what I'm saying is when you get a really good idea it deserves to be extended into a longer form thing. You have great characters there (especially the robot - maybe the long version could tell the story from his point of view, as he gets to understand humans?) and a great unspoken premise (the world's going to end and only a selected few will be saved) - so this really, really needs to be expanded. Well, that's just my view, anyhow...
My version of the family thing is from the child's point of view after she loses one of her parents, and there is an AI involved who becomes her surrogate. So it's a kind of coming-of-age story. And as often is the case, it's the question of 'from which character's point of view' that really determines the whole thing.
Still, your little story is really beautiful as it is, though. There's so much subtext. And I really loved it. Thank you!
Thank you for the wonderful feedback, Evelyn! I think about crafting longer stories sometimes, but I'm waiting for the mood to hit. I figure when it happens, I'll know it, and try not to force things. I've tried before and it never quite lands. One day I'll write and keep writing and keep writing and I'll have a novella. 😁
Fewer of my stories end tragically these days, although I'll always have the occasional tale that doesn't necessarily end on a high note. I read somewhere once it's called "hopepunk", and I'm happy to deliver. Thank you for reading and commenting, Miriam!
That was seriously lovely!
I think you should turn that idea into a longer form story (novella or novel). It totally deserves a longer treatment.
I have a longer-form treatment this reminds me of which made it to about 12k words. It's a completely different story but emotionally it's kind of similar (in my second forthcoming collection). I think what I'm saying is when you get a really good idea it deserves to be extended into a longer form thing. You have great characters there (especially the robot - maybe the long version could tell the story from his point of view, as he gets to understand humans?) and a great unspoken premise (the world's going to end and only a selected few will be saved) - so this really, really needs to be expanded. Well, that's just my view, anyhow...
My version of the family thing is from the child's point of view after she loses one of her parents, and there is an AI involved who becomes her surrogate. So it's a kind of coming-of-age story. And as often is the case, it's the question of 'from which character's point of view' that really determines the whole thing.
Still, your little story is really beautiful as it is, though. There's so much subtext. And I really loved it. Thank you!
Thank you for the wonderful feedback, Evelyn! I think about crafting longer stories sometimes, but I'm waiting for the mood to hit. I figure when it happens, I'll know it, and try not to force things. I've tried before and it never quite lands. One day I'll write and keep writing and keep writing and I'll have a novella. 😁
I enjoyed this one.
Papa
Thank you 😁
Very moving! I thought it was all over when he started coughing up gunk... nice ending!
Thank you! I'm glad to have caught you by surprise. 😁
I thought this story would end tragically, unlike most of your work. Glad it has redemption at the end.
Fewer of my stories end tragically these days, although I'll always have the occasional tale that doesn't necessarily end on a high note. I read somewhere once it's called "hopepunk", and I'm happy to deliver. Thank you for reading and commenting, Miriam!